Take Charge of Your Relationships
The Challenges of Relationships
Every relationship you forge has the potential to teach you about yourself and your deeply held views. In fact, there’s no better laboratory for self-study than through relationships. Relationships are such a large part of who we are that their dynamics manifest themselves throughout our being. The three major energy centers in the body are the second chakra (control), third chakra (self-esteem) and fourth chakra (emotional power).
Relationships can introduce you to the parts of yourself that might otherwise remain hidden. As a result, relationships can be quite painful; learning about ourselves and facing our own limitations are not things we tend to do with enthusiasm.
We do not meet and become involved with people as the result of some random process. Each of us generates patterns of energy that attract particular people into our lives. Try to view your relationships as “spiritual messengers” bringing to you revelations about your strengths and weaknesses, and providing valuable lessons on your path to consciousness.
Your challenge is to form and maintain relationships that support your development, to rescript unhealthy relationships, and to release those that limit growth. This is not about judging others; it’s about honoring the lessons that relationships can teach you–having the courage to respond clearly to their lessons.
Rescripting
Rescripting is a conscious effort to change the way you interact in significant relationships. During this process you can become truly awake to your own thoughts and behaviors, and the forces within you. Here’s how to start:
- First, step back and observe your behavioral patterns with as much objectivity as possible, paying particular attention to your body language, the words you use, and the actions you take.
- Ask yourself, “Why do I behave this way and what’s in it for me, really?”
- Identify the specific emotional and psychological patterns that are activated within you, and adversely impact certain circumstances and relationships.
- Next, identify the people who bring out these behavioral patterns in you. It should become clear that only specific people bring out these patterns.
- Finally, with pattern, reason and people identified, change the “script” during future encounters–awareness means nothing unless you put action behind it.
Relationships and Archetypes
Relationships clearly access our true motivations and unconscious beliefs. It’s important to learn how the four central archetypal forces reveal themselves in your relationships with others.
Archetypes are patterns of behavior and perception. They are not simply external models, but live deeply inside of you affecting your beliefs and attitudes. Understanding archetypes and how you identify with them, will help greatly in your journey to a more conscious life.
In examining the four central or survival archetypes as they play out in relationships, let’s use the example of how an adult woman interacts with her family and friends:
Child: The Child often prevents you from taking responsibility for your own life, and keeps you expecting others to cater to your needs, desires and wishes.
- She refuses to ante up any amount toward care of elderly parents because her siblings make more money than she does.
Victim: The Victim is the one who blames lack of fulfillment and happiness on other people. When things go wrong or become challenging, it must be the other person’s fault.
- When her daughter has emotional difficulties in school, she blames her more-popular niece, who attends the same school, for not taking her daughter under her wing.
Prostitute: The Prostitute goes to any length necessary to attract a particular desired relationship partner or to keep a dysfunctional relationship intact.. Even though she intensely dislikes certain socially prominent neighbors, she continues to act as though they’re best friends in order to remain attached to the social group.
Saboteur: Saboteurs will destroy relationships rather than dealing with the challenges they present.
- Rather than supporting her best friend’s dieting efforts, woman constantly tempts her friend with favorite treats.
Areas and Questions for Reflection
The only way real change can occur in your life is if you are willing to take the time and energy required to make it happen. Spend as much time as you can on each question and write out your genuine responses to the following topics. In order to ensure that you engage the material fully and deeply, write out your responses and be completely honest with yourself. Resist the temptation to view them impersonally.
- What archetypes play out most prominently in your relationships? Select an archetype, identify the specific person involved and the script you use to play the archetype out. Rescript your pattern and practice the new script in actual life situations.
- Identify your relationships where you experience strong negative emotions such as, control, jealousy, judgment or criticism. What archetypes play out in those relationships? Rescript and practice.
- Do people want to have relationships with you? Are there relationships in which you feel rejected? Can you identify why?
- What about you attracts others? What’s the thing that makes others stay away?
- Are your current relationships – professional, intimate, and friendly – assisting you in your own evolution? How? In what ways do they limit you? Do you know when to end a relationship? Have you ever remained in a relationship that you knew should have been ended? Why? What were you afraid of?
